But I Can Chew Gum Well Enough

In 2006, University of Utah psychologists concluded that drivers on cell phones are as bad at driving as drunk drivers. Many others have claimed that we get kind of stupid when we're on our cell phones.

And now I agree.

Last night, I was at a dinner party on the Upper West Side. I was meeting a friend's new squeeze for the first time, and towards the end of the evening, I thought I'd quietly text Amanda my report—the new squeeze was AOK.

But the signal wasn't so good in the kitchen, so I stepped out into the backyard. We'd all been out there earlier, and had left the door open.

And as I was using my thumbs to type out a note, I walked out back, except I didn't walk out back. I walked into, almost through, a sliding screen door.

There was a horrific crashing sound. I actually put down the phone and tried to fix the door, which was out of its track. Except I couldn't get it back into the track, because it was bent. I 'fessed up, but I'm not real sure that it can be fixed, it having suffered the full weight of a clueless texter onto it.

I don't normally do things like walk into doors. Distraction seems like a bad idea. But this will certainly keep me from using the cell in any way while driving in the future. Maybe I won't try to text and walk at the same time anymore either.

I am a highly trained professional. Don't try this at home.