Monday, May 22, 2006

New Diet to Sweep Nation

"Tippa, darling, how do you stay so thin?"

"Why, Marie, I drink milk, eat beef, and I like to jump. I also spear lions."

Okay, this conversation didn't really happen. But only because my Swahili is limited to about six words.

Tippa was the resident Maasai in the Land Cruiser I went around Masai Mara in. He was our game spotter, the one who declared his favorite animals to be goats and sheep.

"May I take a photo of this lady?" asked one of the other tourists later, when he saw a svelte young Maasai later (from the back).

"Do you mean this Maasai warrior?" was the shocked reply.

Maasai are so very skinny. But how do they get this way? What lessons can our overly hefty nation learn from the Maasai culture?

First, one must eat lots of beef. The Atkins craze has taken care of this.

Second, one should consume lots of milk and some corn meal.

Third, you have to walk a lot. I mean a LOT. Chase animals if possible. If you live in Ohio, walk to Indiana.

Fourth, you must leap straight into the air several times a day. Another Maasai (not Tippa) told me privately that the jumping is to impress girls. But then he admitted that some people do it for fun.

I think it also helps to dress in a red blanket and wear shoes made of recycled tires.


Max Hartshorne said...

Can't wait to see this story on GoNOMAD!

Marie Javins said...

And you will. How do you feel about lion porn?