What's Swell About Twitter

Are you a Twitter naysayer?

I was too, back before I went to Cairo. Somewhere along the way, I think in early 2007, Jared and John Bligh got on Twitter. They were now able to virtually give each other shit all day long. Jared was in the office one day and showed me what he was doing. I was amused but not enough to sign up.

Fast-forward to me listening to a writer speak at some-event-or-other, earlier this year. I'd learned a certain revulsion for Twitter as the masses crowed about it. I can't help it. Skepticism is my knee-jerk reaction to anything that people glow about en masse. When the Times starts covering something, it's probably past its prime.

"Even if you don't like to Twitter," said the writer (which just means post little one-liners all day, perfect for a nation brought up on sitcoms), "just go and get your name so no one else gets it."

Oh. Right. Shoulda thought of that one myself.

I dutifully scored my name that same evening. There are not many other Marie Javinses in the world, but there are at least two. I'm now MarieJavins on Twitter, but I don't post much.

But I do use Twitter for things that are, I think, genuinely useful. I hogged this info to myself for some time, but it seems only fair to share my knowledge with you, loyal reader.

Twitter is good for these things:

-Transportation.
-Ticketing.
-Discounts.

I "follow" PATH, for example. That's the name of the subway train I take to work. Once in a while there is some kind of delay, and PATH will "tweet" about the delay, and then I'll know to go downtown to take the other line, or to catch a ferry home.

I also follow some tour operators and airfare discounters. If there's a discount, I want it to pop up in my face. Now, before the fares sell out.

Last, I have found Twitter to be a godsend when it comes to ticketing. The band Pavement is playing Central Park Summerstage next year. But the tickets sold out instantly. That didn't seem right, so I searched Twitter and immediately learned that another night had been added. I zipped over and bought a ticket for that night.

And when I wanted to see Othello with Philip Seymour Hoffman, the ticket server crashed the morning the tickets went on sale. You can guess how I found the alternate server and was able to take my time choosing my ticket, because everyone else was still fighting with the original ticketing site.

A similar event occurred yesterday with tickets to the New Yorker Festival.

So what I can recommend to all you Twitter naysaysers out there is this. Sign up and find sites where you need real-time updates. It IS useful, honest.

But one side note when you're Twittering... see that little "@" sign that shows up? That means the person has posted to someone's page. What it is NOT is a cool, new way to identify people by their electronic signatures on non-Twitter comments pages. My policy is, if you have to type in the @whatever, guess what, you're not on Twitter. Stick to addressing them by name.

Hippo Food

This is a documented dissection of a candy hippo.

It tastes of sugary wafer filled with Nutella. And some milk powder.

Really. It says "milk powder" on the label.

Helps prevent osteoporosis, no doubt.

This was a pretty lousy breakfast, way too sweet. I got dizzy on the way to the train. Or maybe that's just the Swine Flu.

Enough Already

All right, I am totally sick of this health care shit.

I have left the country for YEARS before because insurance is so expensive in my NY/NJ that I cannot afford it. Excellent travel insurance is available anywhere BUT the US. Why? There is an endless list of reasons--lawsuit culture, corporate stupidity, for-profit situations, whatever... there are a million reasons, all of them endlessly explained by people far more conversant in the lingo than I am.

I have occasionally rearranged my official housing claims in order to take advantage of better rates in other states. I have used all kinds of loopholes to insure my healthy self, though I have not needed insurance at all, and if I did, well, I'd try not to use it since it means my future rates would permanently inflate.

That ain't right.

I agree completely with articles I've read about how utterly whacked our system is and how it's got to change. I also recognize that change is resisted so utterly in our society that there is no way the system is going to be dismantled and revised, as I wish it would be.

But the way it's looking now, with people screaming bloody murder at the thought that someone might actually do... what? Try to pass some pathetic attempt at helping their sorry asses?

I'm sick of this shit. This isn't really about me. While I will go to any lengths to avoid spending a fortune on insurance, I also have money and a passport, and I know well that people who assume we have the best of everything are uninformed and have never investigated options overseas. If I am sick and can still move, I will get my ass on a plane to go to somewhere that I can get great care and not go bankrupt.

It's not about me. It's about the very people screaming bloody murder and defending... what, I don't even know. People are baffling.

Hippo Treat

I ran into this at the deli on Newark Avenue yesterday. Kinder Hungry Hippy candy, in "cacao." I bought a "5 stück" but haven't cracked open the box yet. Apparently, they are made of Knusperwaffel, Milchcremefüllung, Kakaocremefüllung, and Baiser-Splitter. Mmm-mmm, Baiser-Splitter.

At $4.59, these better be some tasty hippo treats.

Anniversary of Sorts

I've been writing this blog for over four years. Which is kind of surprising. When I moved to Uganda in June of 2005, I started this blog "just for the summer."

And here I am four years later, still exercising my diarrhea of the keyboard.

It it's been four years, that means four years since a short stay in a Namibian hospital. Four years since Prince Not-So-Charming ditched in a manner consistent with his previous episodes that he'd described to me. (Note to self: When a man tells you about how he had a motorcycle accident with a girl on the back, put her in the hospital, and instantly lost interest and dumped her, RUN AWAY, no matter how many years you've been together.)

Septembers have been unpleasant since, the "Mondays of months," as a friend puts it. A year ago featured cruel insults from someone I completely trusted. Ugh.

I can't decide whether I should just lay low until the calendar turns or whether I should try to take back September and disempower its creepiness.

Rainy Saturday

So I made this thing today, trying out my IKEA fabric.

And now I'm not quite sure what to do with it.

Mini-hippos provided for scale.

Yancey Sees the Future

Do you guys remember when Yancey drew this card for my birthday a few years ago? He was prescient.

Mac & Cheese Bakeoff

Say what?

I am so there...

We Have A Winner

Andy of Philadelphia narrowly beat out John Bligh for the title of "Bestest Hippo/Dik-Dik Poet."

Voting was fast and furious, with strong opinions being voiced on what exactly makes the awesomest hippo haiku or dik-dik limerick.

I am overwhelmed by the great love of and respect for poetry voiced by my audience. Or at least rendered speechless.

Andy won with this:

Throat looks bottomless
Folds of fat hide your cunning
Hippopotamus

And John nearly overtook Andy with this:

I think that I shall never see
a hippo sitting in a tree
And if I did, I turn and flee
Don't want a hippo crapping on me.

Congratulations to Andy on his new purse! Okay, my assumption is that it's for Moira, but let's leave it up to him.

Use "Hippo" or "Dik-Dik" to Create a Poem, Please

Vote here (in "Comments") and often to tell me your favorite hippo or dik-dik poem. You can also vote on Facebook. I didn't put the author's names here, in interests of fair play. Vote by number.

Winner gets a cool hand bag.

1.
I think that I shall never see
a hippo sitting in a tree
And if I did, I turn and flee
Don't want a hippo crapping on me.

2.
Irregardless I'm no rhymer I'm a
anglophonic come from behinder just in timer
I evolved from the slime to bring you this rhyme.

3.
Is that a HIPPO or is it a DIK-DIK?
Better take a decision real quick-quick!

One to avoid, and the other to kick-kick
An error of judgment, and you will get sick-sick!

4.
Did you ever hear of handbag made out of hippos?
I didn't think you did and this is what I suppose:
A hippo's got a tude
A hippo's got a smile
A hippo's got jaws that open half a mile
He's fatter than your mom
but he's faster than you run
If you ever see one coming you better have a gun
Or else make like a dik-dik
And flee the predic-dicament
Or you won't be evolving into no homo sapient.

5.
Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my.
These beasties scare us til we’re sick.
The most fearsome are the hippopotami
But the cutest is the dik-dik.

6. (haiku)
Dik Dik antelope
Too cute to kill for dinner
I would rather starve.

7. (haiku)
Throat looks bottomless
Folds of fat hide your cunning
Hippopotamus

8. (limerick)
The hippo may seem like a bore
But he's got a most deadly maw
Don't get distracted
By the dik-dik's cute antics
You'll be trampled while your saying "Awww!"