You know all those cool things I wanted to do this summer? Checking out the neon in Wildwood, chasing the Jersey Devil, walking the Morris Canal, canoeing the Meadowlands?
I managed exactly one of them. The chief playmate ditched resolutely and early, while others were busy with kids and life. Alone and numb, I lacked inspiration, and so avoided the fun things I had been hell-bent on doing. Summer slipped away this past weekend, while I sat alone in Two Boots in the East Village, mulling over my eternal questions that never rest. How the hell did I get here? How did I screw up this badly? Did I even screw up? Why does everyone who is in a stable life with family and partner tell me how lucky I am? Is freedom just another word for nothing left to lose? What if I'm the lucky one after all?
I have about eight months to line up people to do things with next year. I hope the Jersey Devil waits for me.
6 comments:
If it's any consolation, it looks like for the amount of time it took you to consume what was in that photo you had a good experience.
Maybe that's part of the lesson: instead of making grand plans, take what you can from the moment. One moment at a time.
Nothing wrong with an afternoon in the East Village with a slice from Two Boots. You're right there.
I'd like to see both Wildwood and Cape May. I'm a sucker for fading echoes of bygone eras- I loved Gallup, New Mexico.
Of course, doing something like that with me means there's others that will be coming along, so it would be more of a group activity.
Kind of late to the party, but here's my two cents as someone who is in a (relatively) "stable life with family and partner":
Screwing up is if you don't like your life, you have the ability to change it, and you don't do it. Your being lucky to have a cool career (you do, really), lots of free time to use as you please (you have that, some days), and the ability to travel doesn't mean that I'm not lucky because I have the family-partner thing. It's not a zero-sum game.
And even married for 11 years, there are plenty of times that I end up doing things alone because 1) J doesn't want to do them, 2) we couldn't get a sitter, 3) the sitter got sick, and/or 4) my friends were busy/in another city/not interested. When you're traveling, do you skip doing interesting things because you don't have someone to do them with?
No, I've never been one to back down from doing things alone.
Practically, it isn't the best idea for me to go canoeing alone, and hiking is best done with others if going anywhere a little wild. But also there are things that are just no fun by yourself.
I probably should have headed to Wildwood or Cape May alone. That wouldn't be any big deal. Maybe I'll drag Marc and Paula and Sam down there with me...
Maybe your Mom could meet you in Cape May!
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