My pal in Greece has given me two enduring fantasies.
In one, I get over my current "sh*t, I'm 40 and forgot to do all that normal stuff" phase and age into being a graceful-but-wacky older single woman, living in Kenya. I attend Parliament sessions for some reason. I don't think it's clear why—perhaps I'm a member, perhaps just lobbying for changes advantageous to Fantasy #2. I have embraced and conquered the Curse of the Hippo, and have a pet hippo that I keep on a leash. We've been together since I found the hippo as an orphaned baby. It is trained well, so that when people annoy me, I say "THROAT." My hippo makes short work of the irritant.
In Fantasy #2, I have a dik-dik ranch in Kenya, at the foot of the Ngong Hills.
No, not in the Ngong Hills. My pal did not get that specific. In fact, he did not even mention the purpose of a dik-dik ranch. What can you do with a dik-dik ranch? Perhaps dik-dik is a kind of gourmet venison, and I could supply it to Carnivore Restaurant in Nairobi. Maybe dik-diks are best for dog food. Or it could be a vegetarian ranch and petting zoo, and small children would come from all over the world to pet a dik-dik and conquer their fears of being stalked by one. Maybe after reading my book, many will develop irrational fears of dik-diks, and it will be my responsibility to show the world that these small beasts are actually not fearsome. (I better go buy the URL "mariesdik-dikranch.com" now!)
What could I do with a dik-dik ranch?
7 comments:
If I can figure out how to train a dik-dik to use a litter box, I'll be set. And guess what? Dik-diks travel in pairs and mate for life. I'll have great sales on first dik-diks, but the trendy buyers will quickly realize they need a second--and that's when I'll rake in the dough.
Nairobi is a city, surely the biggest in East Africa. Don't they have leash laws in cities?
A minor obstacle. Perhaps de-glanding or stinky spritzers marketed with funky labels are in order.
"Dwarf Antelope have large scent glands and regularly mark "sign posts" within and around their territories. Common markers are sticks, grass stems and points on rocks. Both males and females also mark their territory with repeated use of dung piles. Males will usually deposit on top of the female's, right after she deposits. He squirts urine at the same time."
Don't cats spray their territory or something like that? Maybe a dik-dik is no different. A minor inconvenience in exchange for having a pleasant animal around the house. And no pesky claw marks!
Maybe you could train the dik-diks to pull heavy machinery. Or stomp grapes for your new vineyard. "Dik-Dik Vinyards" as a ring, no?
The wine labels would be awesome.
"A few discreet help-wanted ads in magazines aimed at really short men ought to provide the ranch hands."
Finally a use for the Code Monkey.
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