Grief blows. I can't seem to beat it. I understand avoidance now--people avoid dealing with "the bad" because it feels sucky.
Trying to be a Buddhist about it—by renouncing past and routine—works for about a day. And I have met people with health problems. "You still have your health," they tell me.
Instead of being relieved and counting my blessings as Jared's grandmother would instruct me to do, I think: "Oh, great, I still have farther to fall."
Time healing all needs to kick in soon. I'm sick of this. You readers are probably tired of it too. Maybe moving to Kuwait will help. At least it won't be cold and gray outside.
Murphy is here to help me out.
Murphy is an 11-year-old Pit Bull mix. She is Yancey's dog, and he has gone to San Francisco on an important secret mission. So Murphy is snoring away on the cushion next to me. She's a loud snorer. Dogs are a pain to walk but Murphy puts her head on my lap when I'm sad. It's an honor because Murphy only likes eight people.
But it must be said that I've had nicer jobs than picking up steaming dog shit off the ground.
2 comments:
You're killing me Marie! Grief and saddnes are unavoidable and they are not to be dominated. They are to be endured until the sun shine on you again. This is normal. I think people forget how normal it is to be sad. It's the directionlessness that's killing you right now. You gotta find a hobby to kill some time until you find that direction (Kuwait, at least for a few months). See that, now you have me rambling on about directionlessness (an old enemy of mine) and I'm sad.
P.S. if you want to raise your spirits hang out with some children. They haven't been ruined by society yet.
Ok I agree with jared up to the point about hanging out with children.....depends on who they are. some can really lift your spirits and be so much fun to play/hang with....other are rude, disrespectful, manipulative demons who are ridiculously spoiled by their well-meaning parents and have never been given limits or had to truly suffer appropriate consequences for their actions. Yes - I have a pet peeve as we have had to suffer a few intolerable ankle-bitters recently. But then I'll be around a truly lovely child who reaffirms my faith in the sweetness and joy a child can bring - ohmigod I'm rambling!
I think I need to go for a long walk with my own pooch who does much to raise my spirits.
I can't wait for the holidays to be over....
P
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