Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Calling All Studs


In the course of installing my bathroom vanity properly, I had the opportunitiy to fire up my "stud finder."

All it found was where I should drill. Maybe it's the batteries.

22 comments:

Amanda Castleman said...

One almost doesn't know where to start with the innuendo...

As for the stud-finder, may I suggest watching the detectives? Ax.

Ed Ward said...

Diagnosis: weak batteries.

Marie said...

Maybe it's the delicious food around here, or perhaps the problem is in my own criteria, but the detectives don't necessarily merit a look in my part of the world. And no, not weak batteries... a quick unscientific visual survey reveals sweet older men on my block, but a distinct lack of aesthetically pleasing studs. The last studs I saw on this block were here to visit me! (Deliberately left vague so that the readers who visited can interpret it as a compliment to themselves.)

The stud finder did work properly for its prescribed purpose. It just didn't live up to the promise inherent in its name.

Anonymous said...

What did you have the stud finder set on? Perhaps you need to change the settings. Which type of stud did you want, heart-of-gold, intelligent, dumb-but-strong, thick Jersey accent? Check the settings in the battery compartment and set it as you see fit.

Anonymous said...

In other words, what's on the Marie-menu? What sort of man are you looking for?

Amanda Castleman said...

Well, I know two men plotting NYC trips, hoping to meet you, darling.

But the long distance thing is a hassle. Should I encourage them or not? Ax.

Marie said...

Ax, Seattle is not long-distance enough! If I look at my recent history, apparently they must first carry a non-US passport.

Anonymous, I think I need a bit of time to answer that one. I'll get back to you...

Amanda said...

We are well supplied with alpha-males out here, Ms Javins; a genre I believe you enjoy. If memory serves, Seattle topped a Harlequin Romance survey for "most rugged sexy men."

Vancouver took the top Canadian honors.

But it's always a crapshoot. For every virile thug, we have at least three mocha-sipping quiche-bakers. Hell, look at me, I managed to marry an unemployed accordion player here.

Fixed that, thankfully... Ax.

Marie said...

Blimey... I just wrote a long essay comparing Exhibits A, B, and C, the last three men in my life from April 2001 to the present... and an internet blip wiped it out. Argh!!! Maybe I'll recompose in the morning.

Marie said...

After a careful review, of the common traits of Exhibits A, B, and C, I have concluded that I require the following adventurous Alpha Male:

Exhibit D: Precisely 5'10", carries a passport entitling him to EU membership, has medium-length floppy hair, a slight build, born between Feb of 1961 and Nov of 1967, is utterly silly, resourceful, innovative, larger-than-life, single, and is very good at things totally contrary to things I am good at. Must strike right balance between independence and commitment.

So Ax, you got one of those there Alpha Males fitting that description lying around on the West Coast? Better take your tape measure...

Amanda said...

I can't think of a spare 5'10", Euro-swashbuckler offhand, but I'm on the job.

Your wingwoman, Ax.

Hat Boy said...

Careful with those "stud finder" settings. It seems Amanda fiddled with hers too much and it got stuck on "Barney Fife" mode.

Hey Ax. Doesn't Maries description pretty much fit a certain Australian lighting technician?

Marie said...

Crikey, how can the Aussie have an EU passport? Mind you, mine did, or at least a British one...

Hat Boy said...

Opps, yeah, my bad. My mind wandered over into Commonwealth for a second. He is, however, a really nice guy. Maybe that counts for something?

Isn't the passport requirement, uh, a little odd?

Marie said...

You mean odder than "must be 5'10" with floppy hair?"

Ed Ward said...

Man, I wish I could reduce romance to a recipe! Although as I was mulling this over, I realized the last three or four could be summarized as tall, Teutonic, 'n' troubled.

Marie said...

Upon scrutinizing Exhibits A, B, and C, it did become clear to me that the commonalities supported the "we have types" theory.

Of course, Roberta meeting them all and declaring "That's funny how similar (A, B, C) are. You definitely have a type," also supports this. It just took me a while to admit that she was right.

Amanda said...

Sorry kids, I ruin the "type" theory, having ranged from an unemployed accordion player to Homer Simpson.

Must be an erratic Gemini thing.

No, wait, one pattern emerges: funny and whip-smart (except that one Coyote Stupid Secret Agent moment, but nevermind. Blot that from the copybook).

But a Ed Ward points out, no cross-the-board formula exists. If one did, we'd all be mated off by the government database...

Marie said...

I might as well be. I seem to be frightenly consistent. Imagine that, that the last three men all bear serious physical resemblances to each other. That's not just weird... it's got to mean I dig that sort of man.

I have a good lead on one, though I don't yet know his height... but I'm not going to speak of it until there's something to report.

Amanda said...

Oh, I believe in "types" all right: I'm just incapable of such consistency in my own life. Sigh. Ax.

Marie said...

Bad news. I got a close look at the potential Exhibit D yesterday and can report that he seems to be of a slightly different height than 5'10", and there is a slight wave to his hair. Maybe he can have it straightened, wear platforms...

Kraiger said...

D?

Miss Javins, do tell.